What’s the real antidote for imposter syndrome?
No one likes that feeling of being out of place and out of their depth. Unfortunately for entrepreneurs, this is a path paved with experimentation and all the things you’ve never done before. It’s scary. It’s risky. And you’re probably not going to feel totally confident going in.
So how to you get confidence? How do you stop feeling like an imposter?
The solution isn’t faking it until you make it. The solution is in growing your proficiencies.
The Heart of Self-Confidence
Self-confidence and self-esteem are largely rooted in childhood experiences. As babies, we start out entirely dependent on our parents. We cannot eat, walk, or change ourselves. As we grow, our parents begin to delegate some of this authority to us.
We’re allowed to sit in the highchair and feed ourselves. We learn to walk. We choose our friends. Children need environments where they feel safe enough to try new things and encouraged to take agency over themselves and their decisions. They can more comfortably do this in a supportive, responsive family unit.
Of course, not all of us had an ideal childhood. Maybe you had overbearing or controlling parents. Or you never had to make your own decisions or deal with consequences. You’re at a disadvantage because confidence is built through the slow and steady growth of personal authority and agency.
Confidence grows with authority and authority is expertise.
In other words, competence builds confidence.
Faking it until you make it won’t make you confident. It will make you look confident while all the while you struggle with the weight of others’ opinions, judgment, and doubts. Here’s how you cast all that aside and fit into your role like a natural-born leader!
Four Simple Ways to Be More Confident
1. Stop Ignoring Your Weaknesses
A doctor can’t perform a life-saving surgery without cutting into the patient. You can’t reach your potential if you don’t first deal with your weaknesses. Like I said, faking it doesn’t really work. Part of building confidence demands first identifying the things holding you back. Where are you weak? Where are your gaps in knowledge? What makes you feel insecure or emasculated? What gives you anxiety?
Once you know where you can stand to improve, you can begin the process of increasing competence.
2. Learn What You Don’t Know
Because we live in a world of instant access to a wealth of information, there’s no excuse to remain ignorant of the things you don’t know. Once you know where you’re weak or lacking, you can tackle it through growing knowledge. Just like in school, you familiarize yourself with the concepts, study them, practice and, eventually, it becomes second-nature.
Immerse yourself in these worlds, whether you’re trying to learn the finer points of public speaking or how to fix a car.
3. Seek Mentors
When we’re young, our parents are the experts. They have authority (expertise) over us, and we learn what it means to be an adult by their side. Eventually, that expertise catches up and you grow into an adult with equal authority. This doesn’t mean, however, other adults, as equals, have nothing to offer.
One of the best steps you can take is to seek out mentors. If you know where you’re weak, find people who excel in those areas. Ask them to mentor you. Learn at their feet. Confidence isn’t pretending you have it all figured out. Confidence is delegating to the experts and sharpening the skills you lack.
4. Try, Try Again
Nothing will stunt your self-confidence like the fear of failure. Failure itself isn’t the problem! How you relate to your failures is. Fearing failure leads to procrastination and avoidance. You’ll do whatever you can to put off the task you dread until you’re “ready.”
But here’s the rub: you’ll never be ready if you never hone your experience. And you can only hone experience by doing.
Break yourself free from the idea that your performance is tied to your self-worth. Failure always presents an opportunity to grow in competence, if only because it teaches us what not to do. Take every measure you can to prepare, sure – but recognize the need to gain your own firsthand experience. Keep doing until the troubleshooting ends and the expertise begins.
When did you first feel fully confident in what you do? Share how you got there in the comments!