I said yes to everything for years. Board positions, speaking engagements, networking events, consulting calls, race invitations. If someone asked and I could physically fit it in my calendar, I did it.
After all, that's what driven people do, right? We show up. We deliver. We don't leave opportunities on the table.
Then I noticed something…unfortunate. My best work wasn't happening in all those meetings I'd squeezed in. It was happening in the margins I'd accidentally left open: the early morning hours before anyone else was awake and the rare Saturday afternoon when nothing was scheduled.
The quality of my thinking, my leadership, even my training—all of it suffered when my calendar looked like a game of Tetris with no gaps.
The word "no" might be the most important tool in your arsenal as a leader, parent, or athlete. But for high achievers, it's also the hardest one to use.
The Real Cost of Defaulting to “Yes”
When you say yes to everything, you're not being helpful or ambitious. You're being scattered. Each commitment fragments your focus a little more. Each obligation chips away at the energy you need for what actually matters.
I learned this the hard way during marathon training while trying to attend every business dinner, coach soccer teams, and maintain the illusion that I could be everywhere at once.
My training suffered. My family time became rushed and distracted. My business decisions lacked the clarity they needed because I made them between commitments rather than with proper thought.
The math is simple but brutal: saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. The question is whether you're making that choice consciously or letting other people make it for you.
Why We Struggle With “No”
High achievers hate saying no for a specific reason—we've built our success on saying yes. Yes to hard projects. Yes to early mornings. Yes to challenges nobody else wanted. That mindset served us well as we built momentum, proved ourselves, and established credibility.
But there comes a point where the same approach that got you here will prevent you from getting where you want to go.
You can't lead effectively when you're stretched across fifteen priorities. You can't train properly when your calendar has no recovery built in. You can't be present with your family when you're mentally running through tomorrow's obligations.
And let me tell you, the transition from "yes gets me ahead" to "no protects what matters" is one of the most challenging shifts you'll make as a leader.
The Freedom in “No”
The surprising thing about learning to say no is how much it improves your yes. When you're selective about commitments, the ones you accept get your full attention and energy. Your team notices. Your family notices. You notice.
I'm not suggesting you become unreachable or stop taking on challenges. I'm suggesting you become intentional about where you invest your finite resources of time, energy, and focus.
Some of the best decisions I've made in the past year weren't about what I chose to do. They were about what I chose not to do.
Each time I said “no,” it created space for something better. Not just better activities, but better presence in the activities I'd already committed to.
Setting Boundaries Before January
Let’s shift gears. How do you make saying “no” more than a matter of spontaneous instinct and willpower? Let’s leverage the season to make the shift.
December is when most people start thinking about New Year's resolutions—what they'll add to their lives. I'm suggesting you do the opposite. Before January chaos hits, decide what you're not going to do.
First, look at your calendar from the past three months. Ask yourself:
Which commitments energized you?
Which ones drained you without producing meaningful results?
Which ones existed simply because you said yes once and they became recurring obligations?
Now look ahead to January through March.
What requests are already coming in?
Which ones align with your actual priorities, and which ones are just noise disguised as opportunity?
Where do you really want your focus to be in the coming year?
Now, before I agree to anything new, I ask myself three questions.
Does this move my most important goals forward?
Does this require me at my best, or would someone else be better suited?
What am I giving up by saying yes to this?
That third question is the critical one. You're always giving up something. Make sure you know what it is.
Before January hits and your calendar fills up with everyone else's priorities, decide what yours actually are. Then protect them. Your best work in 2025 depends on it.
What boundary do you need to set before the new year starts? What's one commitment you can say no to that would create space for what actually matters? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.