Picture this:
Your work week starts normally—everything seems to be business as usual. But slowly, you notice something amiss. One of your employees seems to be distracted. Forgetful. Scatter-brained. They’re dropping the ball, which isn’t normal for them. They’re usually focused and diligent.
You feel like you can let one “off” day slide. However, it continues to happen throughout the week. You know you need to address it—your team’s performance depends on it.
I’ve found myself in a similar situation before. And listen, I’m not a perfect leader. I don’t always handle things as I should, especially in hindsight. (That’s partly why I’m writing this—so you can learn from my mistakes!)
And I admittedly came at the situation with more annoyance than I should have in this case. But it quickly became clear that something much bigger than me—bigger than any job—was going on when this person looked at me with tears welling up in their eyes.
“My mom has cancer.”
Let me tell you: that was a tough conversation. And I immediately felt awful about coming to confront performance with this sense of irritation and indignation before I had all the facts. It also presented me with an important question: what should I, as a leader, do when my team is suffering? How do I handle a mental health crisis in our midst, whether from illness or grief?
If you’re wondering the same thing, keep reading!
How Leaders Can Help an Employee in Crisis
Step #1 – Know Your Role and Boundaries
You’re a leader, not a therapist. Your job is to support, not diagnose or counsel. Trust me, I understand the impulse to want to “fix” things. However, this isn’t something you can or should try to handle on your own. Instead, build up a list of resources you can offer, such as:
Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)
Mental Health Professionals
Relevant Hotlines or Chat Support
HR Policies for Leave or Accommodations
This is especially valuable to have if your team ever faces a collective crisis, like the death of a colleague.
Step #2 – Respond with Empathy, Not Judgment
Listen first. Let the employee speak freely, without interruption or assumption. Even if they’re not expressing themselves in the most productive way, their feelings are real and important. Be careful of minimizing their experience. Comments like “everyone goes through tough times” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge with empathy. Simple statements like “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” go a long way.
Step #3 – Offer Flexibility
Set clear expectations about what’s required, but do so with compassion. Reassure them that their value to the team isn’t based solely on productivity—you care about them as a person. I guarantee there are things you can do to accommodate them.
Adjust workload or deadlines if possible. Consider shifting responsibilities, especially those with greater time sensitivity.
Offer flexible hours or remote options if it helps them better manage their workload. This can be especially helpful if they need to help care for a family member or attend doctor’s appointments.
Ultimately, though? Don’t assume one-size-fits-all—ask what would be most helpful.
Step #4 – Protect Their Privacy
Just because they confide in you doesn’t mean you’re free to share that information with anyone. Share only with those who need to know, like HR. Avoid office gossip by setting the tone for discretion and respect. If you catch on to any rumor mills, nip them in the bud! It’s up to the individual how much they want to share and with whom.
Step #5 – Follow Up and Follow Through
Check in later to see how your teammate is doing—not just as their boss, but as a fellow human. Grief and mental health take time to work through. Try not to get impatient. You may eventually come to a crossroads, but be as gracious as possible.
Keep your word if you promise time off, adjusted workload, or additional support. Encourage regular communication with you, HR, or their direct manager so needs are understood and addressed.
Ultimately, these things are just part of life. We can’t always anticipate them or how long it will take to return to normal. The best you can do is have a plan in place! The way a leader handles an employee’s mental health crisis speaks volumes about team culture. Supportive leadership doesn't mean lowering standards—it means elevating humanity.
Have you ever tried to support someone through a crisis? Share what worked (and what didn’t) about your approach in the comments.