Being in charge comes with challenges that the average employee doesn’t face. When you own your own business or have a leadership role, criticism from clients and customers can feel especially personal. You might be tempted to get defensive because your feelings are hurt. I know I’ve been there!
Critique can be painful. It’s especially excruciating when you’re trying your best and when your business is your “baby.”
But you know who gets ahead? The leaders who successfully use negative feedback and criticism as opportunities for growth. They’re the ones who adopt a mindset and approach rooted in emotional intelligence, humility, and optimization. Throughout my career, I’ve tried to do just that.
This is what I’ve learned about taking feedback on the chin without getting defensive:
8 Steps to Turn Painful Criticism into Business Growth
Step #1 – Reframe Criticism as a Tool, not a Threat
Instead of seeing feedback as a personal attack, reframe it as data. Just like market metrics or customer behavior, it's input you can analyze to improve outcomes. If you only take in biased data (like solely listening to positive feedback), you’ll never capture the reality of your situation. And so, your plans can never address the shortcomings of your business.
Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?”
Example: If a client says your pitch lacked clarity, consider it a signal to refine your messaging rather than an insult to your intelligence.
Step #2 – Manage Emotional Reactions First
Defensiveness often comes from feeling attacked. An emotional response is natural, but we must recognize it, move past it, and listen to what’s being said. Emotionally mature leaders pause and take a breath before responding.
Use these self-awareness techniques:
Pause before replying.
Recognize the feeling ("I feel criticized") and name it internally.
Remember that you are not your business, and criticism of your business is not a reflection of your character, value, or skill.
Step #3 – Practice Active Listening
Demonstrate your openness to feedback by listening attentively without interrupting or justifying yourself. Listen to hear when everyone else listens to respond.
Try saying:
“Tell me more.”
“What would success look like from your perspective?”
“I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
Step #4 – Separate the Message from the Delivery
Sometimes, feedback is delivered poorly, but it may still hold value. It’s all too easy to dismiss critique when it’s delivered with the blunt end of a hammer instead of the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel, but that doesn’t mean we should dismiss it on the spot.
Extract the insight; ignore the sting!
Ask clarifying questions to get to the core issue:
“Can you give me an example of when that happened?”
Step #5 – Encourage a Feedback Culture
If your team knows you're open to feedback, they'll feel safe sharing it — which helps you grow faster. If anything, being open to internal feedback can prevent that same criticism from coming from customers and clients. That’s better because it prevents you from having to do damage control or repair your reputation.
So, ask for feedback from within:
“What’s one thing I could have done better in that meeting?”
“Is there anything you think we’re overlooking?”
Step #6 – Build Better Systems
Instead of taking feedback personally, use it to strengthen your systems. Feedback is essential for working out the kinks!
Example: If employees feel unclear about their goals, perhaps our communication systems need improvement.
Step #7 – Reflect and Act
Take time to reflect on valid criticism, then make visible changes. This shows maturity and builds trust. I recommend journaling or conducting an internal debrief to digest the criticism. Let the person know how you're addressing the concern. Assess, address, and act!
Step #8 – Normalize Mistakes in Yourself and Others
Great leaders model vulnerability by admitting their missteps. Taking accountability makes listening to criticism much easier!
Say things like:
“You were right. That decision didn’t play out the way I’d hoped.”
“Thanks for pointing that out. It helped me make a better call.”
Ultimately, we must remember that defensiveness stifles growth. Curiosity fuels it. It’s something I’m continuing to learn, even now.
Negative feedback isn’t a judgment of your worth. It’s a mirror, showing what others see. Leaders who embrace that mirror don’t just improve their business — they become the best version of themselves.
What was the most memorable piece of feedback you ever received? Share your story in the comments.