If you ask me for a coffee meeting next Tuesday, I’ll hesitate. I know what’s already in that day. It’s packed, and if we meet, I want to give you the time and attention you deserve. Ask me to meet on a random mid-December morning, and I’ll probably say yes without double-checking as much.
Next week gets my full scrutiny, but something down the road sounds totally doable. Until I look up and realize my calendar is packed in an already stressful, crazy season.
I end up making sacrifices I wouldn’t have chosen to make in order to keep my promises and appointments. And I’m not the only one who does it.
But why does it keep happening?
Assuming (Incorrectly) We’ll Have More Time
Marketing researchers Gal Zauberman and John Lynch studied this pattern and aptly named it the “Yes…Damn!” effect. In their research, people consistently expected to have more free time in the future than they have in the present. So we agree to commitments weeks out, because the calendar still looks roomy. Then we reach that date and discover that future you has the same 24 hours and obligations you always did.
But you know what? People don’t treat money the same way. We seem to get that you won’t magically have more money next month, but time doesn’t get the same treatment. Even though we know we can’t get more time.
For those of us who run businesses, train for races, and want to be present and engaged for our families, that blind spot is costly—especially this time of year.
In the same few weeks, we might say yes to client dinners, year-end planning sessions, school programs, travel, and holiday parents. If we’re not careful and intentional, they start crowding out the habits that keep us steady for the people we care about.
Choose What to Protect While You Have Room
I travel a fair amount for speaking and races, and the family schedule looks different each season. I can’t pretend I’ve got this perfectly figured out. But I have been intentional about developing a few practices that have helped me hold on to what matters to me most, especially when the holiday rush can overwhelm me despite my best intentions.
Block off the non-negotiables first. These are the things you could maybe bump, but you don’t want to compromise on them. Think your morning run (or other exercise habit), or family time. Put them on the calendar like real appointments. The things that matter to you shouldn’t be the first to get the bump.
Treat every request like it’s happening next week. When someone asks for your time six weeks out, ask yourself if you’d agree if it were happening next week. No? Future you probably has a similar calendar. Check before you say yes, because you’re not likely to have room.
Shrink the habit; don’t skip it. I mentioned protecting my morning runs. And I do. But there are some things you can shrink to balance with new commitments. Run two miles instead of four, or take fifteen minutes of quiet time instead of forty-five. A shorter habit still maintains it.
Leave room in your margins. Some of life’s best moments will never be recorded on a calendar or a schedule. I want to have room to linger at the dinner table with my family, you know? Or pause what I’m doing when one of the kids wants to talk. If I’m fully booked with no wiggle room, I miss out on those moments.
Saying No Without Guilt
Most holiday requests come from people I care about and respect. Turning them down feels ungracious, and I absolutely feel guilty about it. What helps is remembering that one “no” can be a yes to something else. Protecting my time means showing up for my team and my family with more energy and presence.
We can all feel pressured to fill every slot, but like I said from the jump: if I’m meeting with you, I want to give you the time and attention you’re owed. No phoning it in.
Right now, I’m guessing your holiday calendar is still mostly yours. If so, decide what you want to protect. Write it down. It can spare you a rushed, stressed December.
What’s one boundary or habit that’s helped you protect your time? Share it in the comments. I bet we can all benefit.