When you coach youth soccer, you quickly learn you’re not just coaching the kids; you're also coaching their parents. It’s a running joke at this point. The parents often care about the outcomes just as much (if not more) than you or any of the players do.
But the players on the field take direction from you. Their parents do not.
But you’re still asked to do it anyway. In business, the people who shape your success often sit beyond your chain of command. They’re not your team: they’re investors, board members, partners, or the heads of neighboring departments that all hold a stake in your work.
None of them report to you, though, and a good share of your results hinge on how well you work together.
Management writers call this stakeholder management. I think of it a lot like those parents on the sideline.
The Short Reach of Authority
Accountability runs downhill. But what do leaders do when the people you depend on are beside or above you? Once you’re beyond your own lines, your title and authority carry very little weight.
Allan Cohen and David Bradford wrote about this gap in their book Influence Without Authority. The central idea is that every working relationship runs on an exchange of “currencies,” which range from information and resources to recognition and a sense of shared purpose.
Once you understand what the other person values, you can offer something meaningful in return for the cooperation you need.
That’s how we can approach the people we don’t direct. Just like a parent on the sideline wants to know that their kid is seen and developing, investors usually care about clarity and not being surprised. A peer in another department wants respect for the priorities already on their plate.
Prioritizing Before Engagement
You can sort the people around a project using Aubrey Mendelow’s power-interest grid. The idea is to plot each stakeholder by how much influence they hold and how much they care about the outcome. People with high power and high interest? They need close partnership.
Those with lower interest just need enough information to stay comfortable. Everyone else needs regular updates that fit their level of involvement.
I find this useful because I can’t realistically expend equal energy on everyone. And the loudest voices aren’t always the ones with the most sway.
Building Influence Without Authority
Even if people are beyond your authority, they’re not beyond your influence. These are a few things I try to practice both as a coach and a business leader.
#1 – I start the conversation before there’s a problem.
Building trust during a calm stretch more than pays for itself when things get tense. A short check-in with a partner or investor during a good month makes the conversation in a tough one go much more smoothly.
#2 – I learn what each person values before I ask for anything.
Relationships demand mutual investment. I need to know that “currency,” what they value, their goals, and the pressures they feel. Then I can structure a fair ask that gives them something they want.
#3 – I set expectations early and in plain terms.
A lot of friction with outside stakeholders comes from assumptions. When I can explain the plan thoroughly from the beginning, I don’t have to defend the approach when something goes wrong or questions are raised.
#4 – I separate the person from the complaint.
The upset parent or anxious investor usually wants the same outcome I do. When I remember that, I listen better and react less. This isn’t me versus them; it’s often us versus a problem.
#5 – I keep my team out of the crossfire.
My team deserves to focus on their work. Dealing with the stakeholders and authorities beyond their team falls on me. It’s part of my job to absorb outside pressures so they don’t get in their head or put unnecessary pressure on their work.
The Long Game of Influence
I don’t win over every parent every time. I can’t. Neither can you. Some relationships take years to build, and that’s not a bad thing. True partnership demands that kind of long-haul investment. Take it slow, build it intentionally, and, whenever possible, work towards a common goal.
How did you finally get a relationship with a tough stakeholder to click? Share what worked for you in the comments.